Woman’s Response to Grieving Ex Asking Her to Get Back Together Applauded

A woman turned to Reddit for advice after an unexpected call from her ex-boyfriend, Jason, who had ended their relationship during a family crisis.

The post, which quickly garnered over 11,000 upvotes, struck a chord with thousands of readers, many of whom rallied behind her decision.

After five years together, the original poster, r/Ok-Particular-1591, a woman in her early 30s, and Jason had planned a future, with marriage and children. But in the summer of 2023, Jason called off their relationship after his mother was diagnosed with late-stage cancer, explaining that he needed to prioritize his family.

Despite the OP’s offer of emotional support and a willingness to stay connected, Jason opted to sever ties completely, leaving her feeling abandoned.

“So after that, I realized I had no one to comfort me outside of my parents. If I said I miss him, our friends said, well, his mom is dying. If someone asked if I’d been in touch, I’d say no because Jason didn’t want to talk to me—well, his mom is dying. My heartbreak had to take a backseat,” she shared on Reddit‘s “Am I The A*****?” thread.

She explained how lonely the breakup made her feel, but eventually, she moved forward and started to date again.

However, things took an unexpected turn when Jason contacted her following his mother’s passing, expressing a desire to rekindle their relationship. But the OP, having regained her independence, told him she was no longer available.

“I said I’m not single for your benefit and then hung up since he won’t get what he wants from me,” she wrote.

While the OP stood firm in her decision, some mutual friends took Jason’s side, questioning her compassion. “Now some friends think poorly of me, and like two are just being normal. It’s messing with me that people outside of my parents think I’m being petty and lacking in compassion when I don’t know what I was supposed to do.”

Faced with a wave of doubt from her circle, the OP turned to the internet for guidance and two experts weighed in with Newsweek about her decision.

Experts Weigh In

Licensed psychotherapist Tara Arutunian, from New York, believes the OP made the right decision.

She told Newsweek: “If we feel like we’re in the right relationship, a crisis in life won’t elicit a desire to separate—it will do the opposite; we’ll turn to our partner for support. It seems like more is going on than what [Jason] is willing to communicate.”

Arutunian highlighted that the OP likely used critical thinking to assess the situation based on Jason’s actions and realized she deserved better.

“So often, we get caught up in what our loved ones need, while neglecting our own. We can hold out hope that, eventually, if we give enough to the other person, they’ll be inspired to treat us the way we deserve. but this doesn’t usually work out because something is off in the relationship.”

Rachel Marmor, a licensed mental health counselor from South Florida, agrees with the OP’s choice to stand her ground.

She told Newsweek: “While Jason had a hard time with his mom’s illness and death, he chose to leave OP and handle things on his own without considering her feelings or letting her be part of the process. Trust is key in a relationship, and when Jason left without giving her a chance to support him, it broke that trust.”

Marmor believes the OP is protecting herself from future hurt, especially considering Jason’s track record. “It’s understandable that OP is afraid of being abandoned again. By staying firm in her decision, OP is protecting herself from being hurt again.”

What Did the OP Do?

After being criticized by mutual friends for lacking compassion toward Jason, the OP apologized for any perceived harshness, but ultimately felt unsupported.

Realizing she needed to prioritize her emotional well-being, she decided to cut ties and blocked Jason and the friends who weren’t there for her.

Arutunian suggested she could reconsider maintaining connections with the couple of friends who’ve remained supportive.

“She may have thrown out the baby with the bathwater. She mentions a couple of friends who seem to care about her enough to offer support, and they may be worth reconsidering,” she said.

Reddit Reacts

Redditors overwhelmingly supported the poster’s decision, particularly the choice to block Jason and the mutual friends who sided with him.

“Your friends are not your friends. They’re his friends. That’s why they have no empathy for your position and all empathy for his,” wrote user Cute-Profession9983.

Others encouraged OP to build new connections. “You don’t even have to block them. Just take a step back and make new friends. Join a book club, get on an app where you match with friends, anything,” another commenter suggested.

One Redditor emphasized the importance of mutual support in a relationship: “Date a man who wants you to be there for him during a crisis and wants to be there for you during a crisis,” added user Juliaskig.

Newsweek reached out to u/Ok-Particular-1591 for comment via Reddit. We couldn’t verify the details of the case.

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