Content Warning: This article discusses suicide. Please return to the homepage if you are not comfortable with the topic. If you are in distress and need someone to talk to, please call 988, text HELLO to 741741, or visit the crisis hotline’s website.
AUSTIN (KXAN) — Peyton James was born in 2001, but arrived two months early. His parents, David James and Jacki James, took him home after more than a month of intensive care. He grew up and went to school, made friends and was bullied.
“When Peyton was going through all of that, I didn’t have any idea what to do. I didn’t know where to find the help,” Jacki said. “When Peyton first started making comments, I took him to the emergency room because I didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t hurt himself, but he was talking about it, and they said ‘we don’t do that. You’ve got to find a therapist.'”
Peyton’s story ended at 13 years old. He attempted suicide on Oct. 8, 2014, and was rushed to Dell Children’s Medical Center. He died on Oct. 13, 2014.
Life continues for loss survivors like David and Jacki. Days turned to months and years, and both now follow a calling to help others.
“I think for a lot of people that are struggling in silence or by themselves, they need to know that there are people out there that care,” said David, who co-founded the nonprofit The Peyton Heart Project in 2015. “A couple of ladies up in New Jersey contacted me, they came up with this idea to take small, handmade hearts like this, attach a positive message to them and leave them in places where people could find them.”
Patterns for making the hearts can be found at the organization’s website.
Jacki runs Kindness Matters, which holds “Kindness Conversations” for educators and youth programming — one hour group sessions about bullying prevention.
“We have been into over 200 schools across the country, bringing the message we have,” she said.
David and Jacki grew up during a time when mental health conversations were not as open as they are today.
“I’m a Gen X girl, and we were raised to keep your mouth shut. You know, ‘don’t say anything. get thicker skin, boys will be boys,’ and all of that sort of thing,” she said. “All of the stress, and anxiety and depression, all of that we just squished down because we didn’t have an outlet for it. Now we realize…the damage that does to our mental health, to our physical health, to our relationships.”
Both said they’ve seen a noticeable change in society over the past decade. David’s perspective is that when we fail to have the conversations around suicide and mental health, “we lose lives.”
“Back in the days when [The Peyton Heart Project] first started, there was so much stigma behind [mental health issues] that we wanted them to be able to realize that somebody out there cares,” David said. “I’ve really seen a big change in the way we approach mental health. A lot of it has to do with removing the stigma.”
Jacki said that this change also extends to state legislators. She recalls that her interactions with a particular lawmaker have evolved for the better in her time as an advocate with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
“The first time I met with him, he gave me about four minutes of his time, took my information, kind of patted me on the head, and shuffled me out the door,” she said, noting she’s met the lawmaker four times. “The last time I met with him, about a year and a half ago, we talked for almost an hour. Every time we’ve met, he’s learned a little bit more, he’s becoming more and more interested in ways that we can help people.”
How to be there
Opening up about mental health issues, especially suicidal ideation, is difficult. So David and Jacki shared how to be there for people who decide to share about their struggle.
“If they come to you, let them talk, let them get it out. Don’t interrupt, don’t judge, don’t put your own opinion in there. Let them get it out,” David said. “Help find them help. You can dial 988…and put them on the phone with somebody who can help. Call 911 if you think someone’s in imminent danger. Let that person know that you are willing to listen, that you’re not going to judge them and that you want to help.”
“You have to take it seriously, even if it’s the first time they’ve commented on it,” Jacki said. “Many times, people who are in that point in their life where they’re hopeless, they may not want you to fix it. They just need somebody to listen to them. They need to know that they’re not alone.”
AFSP offers a meeting series called “Talk Saves Lives,” in which participants learn how to help prevent suicide and how to have these conversations. The meetings are provided virtually and in-person.