A 29-year-old new homeowner is facing a neighborhood dispute after refusing to pay a 13-year-old boy who mowed their lawn without asking for permission.
The incident, shared by Reddit user Acceptable-Essay-490 in the popular “Am I the A******” (AITA) sub, sparked a heated discussion about boundaries and expectations when it comes to neighborly favors.
The post, titled “AITA for refusing to pay a neighborhood kid for cutting my lawn when I didn’t ask him to?“ explains how the situation unfolded. The poster, who recently bought his first house, said that shortly after moving in, he noticed the boy mowing his lawn one afternoon without any prior arrangement.
“I was confused, since I’d never asked him to and he’d never offered,” the poster wrote. When the homeowner went outside to ask the boy why he was mowing the lawn, the boy explained that he often did this for other neighbors, who gave him $5 in return.
The man thanked him for his effort but made it clear that since he didn’t ask for the service, he wouldn’t be paying him. “I wasn’t going to be paying him. He [the boy] said okay and quietly left my lawn.”
While the child accepted the response and walked away without issue, the boy’s mother wasn’t as understanding. The next day, she confronted the poster at his door, demanding to know why her son hadn’t been paid. Despite the homeowner reiterating that he didn’t request the mowing, the mother continued to argue that it was a kind gesture and that paying $5 wasn’t much to ask.
Should the poster have paid the boy for his work anyway or was the mom’s behavior out of line?
Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and co-host of the podcast Were You Raised By Wolves?, told Newsweek that the homeowner had no obligation to pay. “You can’t just show up at someone’s house unannounced, do work on their property they didn’t ask for, and then expect to be paid for it,” Leighton explained.
The Reddit post comes as a quarter of Americans were reported to have had a “long-running feud” with a person living next door to them, while just over a third (36 percent) were found to have had issues that escalated to “full-blown arguments.” That’s according to a September 2017 survey of 2,000 American adults conducted by market research firm OnePoll for Homes.com, a real estate company.
The man from the Reddit post kept trying to tell the mom that “an agreement like that [having her son mow the lawn] needs to be set up ahead of time, otherwise it’s nothing more than a random demand for money, but she basically tuned me out,” he said, adding that the woman eventually walked away.
Since the incident, the boy’s mother has been avoiding him. The man shared his experience with friends and family. While most agreed that he was justified in not paying, some argued that he should have simply paid the boy and then asked him not to mow it in the future.
‘Mending Fences’ Vs. Setting Boundaries
Leighton said: “The way the mom in the story is handling this is not ideal. Surely they recognize that kind gestures should be given freely without expectation of compensation in return.”
He also noted that while the poster could have chosen to pay the $5, doing so could have encouraged more unsolicited work in the future.
Other experts agreed that the poster’s reaction was reasonable, but suggested ways to smooth over relations with his new neighbors.
Erin Gleason Alvarez, a mediator based in New York City, emphasized the importance of maintaining good neighborly relations while also setting boundaries. “For any agreement, we need a meeting of the minds. One cannot assume that a service is desired, provide it without consultation, and then demand payment,” Alvarez told Newsweek.
She suggested that, “in the interest of mending fences in the neighborhood,” the homeowner could send a thank-you note to the mother and her son, explaining that he was excited to take care of his new home’s lawn himself but valued good relationships with his neighbors.
Ultimately, the question of whether to pay the boy is one of personal boundaries and community expectations. As etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts explained to Newsweek, acknowledging the boy’s effort with a small token of appreciation might have gone a long way in diffusing the situation. “A gracious neighbor would have acknowledged the child’s effort, even though they didn’t ask for payment,” Grotts said, adding that offering homemade cookies or a small cash amount could have been a nice gesture.
‘Despicable’
The story generated widespread discussion on Reddit, where users overwhelmingly supported the homeowner, and many criticized the mother’s reaction.
One user, SushiiXhyvette, said “NTA [Not the A******]. You didn’t ask for the service, and it’s unfair to expect payment without an agreement…and it’s reasonable to set boundaries for future situations like this.”
Another commenter, R4eth, speculated that the mother might be “using her kid to extort money from the neighbors. Despicable.”
Some users expressed sympathy for the boy, arguing that he was likely just following his mother’s instructions. “You can’t really blame the kid for his mother’s behavior though,” wrote Usable_Nectarine_919, adding that the homeowner might be able to teach the boy an important lesson about consent in business transactions.
Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system.
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