Mary Kay Bartelt, 58, once believed she had found her soul mate.
Her relationship began with a whirlwind romance marked by passion and shared interests. But a revelation of infidelity unraveled it all, leaving Bartelt alone at 57 without a job—she had quit at her ex’s suggestion—and with the task of building an entirely new life. Bartelt spoke to Newsweek about her experience navigating divorce after 50, and what she hopes other women going through “gray divorce” might realize about their potential for a joy-filled life.
A romance, a revelation
“We began dating, and she quickly swept me off my feet,” Bartelt remembered of her ex-wife. “It came on really fast and furious, but I was so smitten, and before I knew it, we were engaged and married within a year of meeting. It really was a fabulous relationship for quite a long time.”
Bartelt and her ex traveled the world, enjoyed cultural outings, and spent joyful moments together, creating a life that seemed perfect. Bartelt said she even left her successful career in health care to embrace a life of freedom and travel, at the urging of her ex.
“She convinced me to quit my job so that I would be free to travel,” Bartelt said. “I had a very good job when we met, but I trusted in her and our relationship.”
Beneath the surface, though, cracks were forming.
“Suddenly, my ex started appearing distant,” Bartelt said.
The changes were subtle at first—short temper, emotional distance—but quickly escalated. Bartelt’s ex began spending more time away from home and became increasingly irritable. Despite Bartelt’s efforts to bridge the gap, the situation worsened.
“She was short-tempered, and just not herself…I was so beside myself,” Bartelt said. “My sleep started to be affected because I was trying so hard to please her. I would be up at 5:30 in the morning, vacuuming and scrubbing toilets, cooking meals, doing anything that I thought would make her happy.”
The truth eventually came out: For months, Bartelt’s ex had been seeing another woman. The discovery was gut-wrenching.
Mary Kay Bartelt
Navigating the shock
The revelation of her ex’s infidelity left Bartelt in a state of shock and despair. Despite the pain, Bartelt initially sought to save the marriage, pushing for counseling and trying to understand where things had gone wrong. However, it became clear that the relationship could not be salvaged.
Having left her job and become financially dependent on her ex, Bartelt faced a daunting future—and not just because of the dissolution of her marriage. During this tumultuous period, Bartelt’s father was hit by a car, requiring her to devote time and resources to care for him. Through all of this, though, Bartelt still sought clarity and transformation.
“I really did have to do a complete reinvention of myself,” Bartelt said. “Once I knew what she was doing, and how horribly and disrespectfully she treated me…It was almost easier for me.”
With the truth out in the open, she began to reclaim her life.
Reinventing life at 57
After the fallout, Bartelt made a bold decision inspired by a conversation with a friend: She was going to train as a flight attendant. It was a surprising choice, especially considering her previous anxiety about flying.
“At one point, I was actually even a little fearful to fly…Now it’s just part of the job description,” she said. “I left for training [in August 2023], six and a half weeks—and honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”
Bartelt’s journey to becoming a flight attendant was both challenging and transformative. She attended two rigorous training sessions, where she learned everything from emergency evacuations to first aid and CPR. The training was intense, but Bartelt excelled, finding a job soon after the course.
“To say this has been life-changing would be an understatement,” Bartelt said. “The fact that I’ve completed not one but two flight attendant trainings, and I’m now working in this career and loving it, is nothing short of a miracle.”
The new face of midlife
Psychotherapist Renee Zavislak spoke to Newsweek about the phenomenon of “gray divorce”—the growing trend of divorces among those over 50. Rather than viewing these separations as crises, Zavislak said they can be viewed as opportunities for “dream revision.”
“When one views divorce after 50 from the lens of that language, it has a much different flavor…Divorce after 50 in 2024 has a different flavor,” Zavislak said. “Both men and women in their 50s are looking at their marriages and thinking, ‘Nope. This isn’t the dream.'”
The period after divorce, she said, is increasingly seen as a time for personal growth and rediscovery, rather than a failure or an ending. This shift in mindset is leading many, like Bartelt, to embrace new opportunities and pursue the lives they want.
A message of hope for ‘gray divorce’
For Bartelt, “gray divorce” has led to a powerful journey proving her resilience and the potential for reinvention at any age—and she encourages others in similar situations to not be defined by their past experiences, no matter what age they occur.
“Please, please don’t let someone who is fighting their own demons, or projecting their unhappiness, lack of integrity, just basically horrible behavior on you…make you feel like you are the problem,” Bartelt said. “We all have a beautiful light inside, and it’s really tragic if we allow someone with not-so-good intentions to dim it.”
As Bartelt looks forward, she said she is optimistic about her future.
“My good friend…just said to me, ‘I’m so glad to see my friend is back. For the longest time you let her steal your shine—I’m so glad to see you are back again and sparkly,'” Bartelt said. “I cannot think of a better compliment than that.”