Kate Middleton’s brother, James Middleton, is sharing his mental health struggles in his upcoming memoir, “Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life.”
James, 37, revealed that he previously dealt with suicidal thoughts in an excerpt from his book published by the Daily Mail Friday.
“Life is no longer worth living. I feel suicidal. I contemplate ways of dying so I can get off the giddy roller-coaster that is sending me to the brink of madness,” he wrote.
James continued, “I feel misunderstood; a complete failure. I wouldn’t wish the sense of worthlessness and desperation, the isolation and loneliness, on my worst enemy. I think I’m going crazy.”
He noted that he’s “privileged” and “fortunate” with his “loving and close-knit family” that includes his parents Carole and Michael Middleton, sisters Kate and Pippa and brother-in-laws Prince William and James Matthews.
“But I push them all away,” James said. “I do not answer their phone calls. Emails remain ignored. Invitations to visit go unheeded. I hide behind a double-locked door, unreachable.”
The Princess of Wales’ brother recalled reaching his “lowest ebb” one night in November 2017 where he considered killing himself by jumping from the rooftop of a building in London.
“Dark thoughts crowd in on me. What can I do to make them stop? I think about jumping from the rooftop. Who would find me? A passing taxi-driver? A neighbour?” he wrote.
“I wonder, if I jump, could it possibly be construed as a tragic accident? That way my family, although they would grieve desperately, would be spared the added torture of knowing that I had ended my life by suicide.”
But James said his dog, Ella, inspired him to not go through with the suicide attempt.
“I imagine myself without her, and the chain of thought makes me pause,” he shared. “What would Ella do without me? She depends on me and I on her. The feeling is entirely reciprocal.”
“What would happen to Ella if I died? How long would she wait alone in the flat for someone to find her? I have loved her with every bit of my being since she was a tiny, sightless, newborn pup. She has been my companion, my hope, my support through my darkest days. She has loved me unconditionally, faithfully.”
He added, “She is the reason I do not take that fatal leap. She is Ella, the dog who saved my life.”
Ella sadly passed away in January 2023.
James shared the news on Instagram, writing, “It is with great sadness that I announce my dear Ella has passed away. For 15 years Ella has been at my side, from my darkest days to my happiest. I’m going to miss her terribly.”
The youngest Middleton sibling currently has six other dogs with his wife, Alizee Thevenet. The couple welcomed their first child together, son Indigo, in Oct. 2023.
James’ memoir comes out Sept. 24.
People struggling with suicidal thoughts can call or text the Suicide Crisis Lifeline at 988 or go to SuicidePreventionLifeline.org.for support.