A woman has been urged on Reddit to divorce her husband in a spat over whether she should have canceled a trip with the girls to care for him after routine dental surgery.
Racking up 16,000 upvotes, the 24-year-old, who goes by u/Good_Donut_816, explained that she planned a girl’s trip to Greece 18 months ago. But her time away happened to be while her husband had his wisdom teeth removed – something that could have been avoided as he was able to choose three dates for the surgery.
Newsweek discussed the post: “AITAH for going on a girl’s trip instead of taking care of my husband after surgery?” with two relationship experts.
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On September 4, the woman explained: “My husband informed me three weeks before I left for my trip that he had booked that time slot and he’d need me to stay home and take care of him. I told him that wasn’t happening and that he needed to either pick a later date or have someone else help him.
“We fought but ultimately it was decided my [mother-in-law] mil would come to take care of him and I’d still go.”
When she returned home, she was called a “horrible” wife by his mom and accused of neglecting him.
“My husband is still angry and his entire family is p***** at me,” she wrote.
‘She Is Not in the Wrong Here’
Relationship expert Kate Daly told Newsweek: “The timing of his choice seems more like an attempt to sabotage the trip or make his partner feel guilty for having time away than a genuine need for support during his recovery.”
The co-founder of the online divorce services company amicable, based in London, England, points out that the woman communicated her plans clearly and it was his choice to undergo the operation while she was away.
“She is not in the wrong here, and it’s important to recognize that his behavior, along with his family’s reactions, are attempts to guilt-trip the woman into feeling responsible for a situation he created. I would say to her, you deserve to stand by your boundaries without being made to feel like a bad partner for doing so,” she added.
Dating expert Charlotte Ball couldn’t agree more. The co-founder of matchmaking company Bond The Agency states that there “are clear signs of manipulation.”
She told Newsweek: “Even though your partner might be the most important person in your life, it’s vital that time is made for friends and family who love you. Being with your partner 24/7 can feel isolating and indeed, a controlling partner will try to cut you off from friends and family or limit contact with them, so you don’t receive the support you need. Jealousy and complaining about the time you spend with your inner circle is a way for them to phase out and minimize your contact with the outside world.”
She encourages people to remember to make time for their friends and family while in a relationship.
“It is perfectly healthy to be apart from your partner, as this will allow you to reset and recharge, as well as ensure that you reconnect with who you are. Both partners must have space to do what they like both alone and with their friends without your partner being present.
“With this in mind, unless it is an emergency, there should be no reason for someone to cancel their plans unwillingly and instead choose time to spend with their partner.”
Reddit Reacts
So far, the post has 10,000 comments and the top comment alone has 9,900 upvotes.
It said: “NTA. His reason for booking it when you are going to be gone doesn’t make sense. He played a game you chose not to.”
Another said: “I had my wisdom teeth removed at 13. I don’t remember my mom needing to take a week off to coddle me. This adult male didn’t need anything but a milkshake and a ride home.”
A third commenter wrote: “Yeah. Get a divorce.. f***. My wife tries to cancel girls trips because she feels guilty leaving the kids. But she needs a break. So I make her go …”
Newsweek was unable to verify the details as u/Good_Donut_816‘s account has been suspended.
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