DEAR ABBY: A married couple we met six years ago had a vacation house near ours. We became friendly and would have dinners and drinks and hang out together doing various fun activities. Once her husband passed, it was just the three of us.
When I’m not in the area of our vacation house and my husband is, he thinks it’s still appropriate to do things with this woman — just the two of them. He includes me in the plans, but if I’m unwilling to drive three hours (I work; he’s retired), they go out on their own, although he always asks me if it’s OK. I don’t feel comfortable saying, “No. Stay home alone, like me.”
I don’t trust him, nor do I trust her, because we don’t have much in common, such as education or hobbies. We are not great friends, although she’s kind and good-hearted. I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband and her for behaving in this manner. He continues to insist this is a platonic friendship and nothing more.
I have said countless times that we should divorce if she is someone he wants to be with. He insists that is NOT his intention, and he does not want to divorce me and be with her. I believe he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I’m thinking of hiring a private investigator to get to the bottom of it and free my mind of these feelings. What should I do? — SUSPICIOUS IN THE EAST
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: What makes you think this woman is after your husband? If it will make you feel better, hire the private investigator. However, if your suspicions prove to be untrue, then it’s time for you to consult a licensed psychotherapist for help in overcoming your deep insecurities.
DEAR ABBY: I am not, and never will be, an attractive female. I accept this, and I’m OK with the fact that men don’t find me attractive. My issue is, my friends want to have hot-single-girl events. They are all very attractive. When they try to introduce a man to me, the man obviously has no interest and feels uncomfortable. How do I politely tell my girlfriends to stop trying to be my wingmen? I’m totally OK watching them from the sidelines. — NO BEAUTY QUEEN IN COLORADO
DEAR NO BEAUTY: I am sure your girlfriends mean well, and I’m saddened you have encountered the rejection you have received. We live in a visual society, and, unfortunately, not everyone is willing to look beneath the surface. I do not think you should give up on the idea of meeting someone special, but it may not happen through these hot-single-girl events.
Tell your girlfriends you no longer want them to introduce you this way and why. Although some folks meet their soulmate in a bar, others need to go about it differently. If your friends know their attempts to play cupid have caused more pain than pleasure, I am sure they’ll understand why you are OK “watching from the sidelines.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)