DEAR ABBY: A friend retired, moved and gave me her well-paying, once-a-week job doing industrial cleaning. It pays a sizable chunk of our bills. My husband, who agreed to work with me doing this, gives me a hard time every week by being late.
We need to be there after business hours at 5:30 p.m. so we don’t interrupt anyone while they’re working. I have to remind my husband every Wednesday that we need to be at the job. It causes fights. He makes his own hours at his other job. He can work whenever he wants and leave when it’s done. I was raised to believe, “If you’re early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, then you’re late.” His attitude is, “Why worry about when we show up?”
I’m angry that he doesn’t respect how important this job is to me. I’m his boss when it comes to this jobsite. How can I handle this? I’m so done. I can’t lose this job, and I can’t do it by myself! It’s HIPAA-protected, so not just anyone can do this with me. — TIMED OUT IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR TIMED OUT: How important is it that you start promptly at 5:30? Could all the work get done if you started at 6? I know you are a stickler for promptness, but who set the hours? You and your husband might fight less often if you become more flexible.
However, if the problem persists, remind him that the extra income helps to pay important bills. If that doesn’t motivate him, stop fighting, contact the friend who gave you the job and ask if she has any suggestions about someone who could do what your husband has been doing. I wish you luck.
DEAR ABBY: We’ve lived in our working-class urban neighborhood for decades. We have always made friends with our neighbors, including a young couple with a toddler two doors away. We don’t socialize with them other than to chat when we see them on the street, and we gave their daughter a onesie on her birthday last year.
Just before the pandemic, they acquired a rescue dog, which they often leave in their backyard. The animal barks nonstop for hours, which makes it difficult to enjoy being outside in our yard. We’re home most of the time, and my partner is a gardener, so he spends long hours out there.
What’s the best way to handle this? Friends who know more about dogs than we do tell us it’s impossible to break dogs of this habit. Do you think that because we haven’t complained they think we’re OK with it? We want to be good neighbors. — NOT OK WITH IT IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR NOT OK: Dogs have been known to bark because of separation anxiety. If your neighbors are away when their dog is creating a problem, and you have expressed nothing about it, you or your partner must let them know. The conversation doesn’t have to be confrontational, but nothing will change unless you step up and bark about it. Do it now, before you lose your minds.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.