DEAR ABBY: When I was young and even as I grew older, my father touched me inappropriately. It made me uncomfortable even as an adult. I feel like when I was very small, something more may have happened. I may have been drugged to keep me from remembering. I know a few weird things that went on, and my mother knew about it. I always felt uncomfortable around him. Yet I loved my parents very much. I have the weirdest dreams about them doing things to me that I don’t like.
I have been in therapy before but not necessarily about this issue. I know I was my father’s favorite child because I was always pleasant, more than my sister.
Our parents are both dead now and have been for many years. I don’t want to think bad thoughts about them, but I wish I knew for sure what happened. Do you have any advice for me? I hate myself for thinking bad about the parents I loved so much. They were good to me and my sister growing up. –– NEEDING CLARITY IN ALABAMA
DEAR NEEDING CLARITY: The first person you should talk to about this is your sister, who was always “less pleasant” to your father than you were. It might be enlightening. However, if it isn’t, please talk with a licensed psychotherapist about your persistent bad dreams. It won’t be the first time a therapist has heard a story like this, and you deserve to have peace of mind.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law has turned my son away from his sister. It has gotten so bad he no longer wants me to tell him anything about her or her family, and I am to tell my daughter nothing about his family.
I am elderly and do not need this on my head. I love my son and I really liked my DIL, but she has changed. My son does nothing without first asking her.
I have only one son and one daughter, and it troubles me that when I pass, they won’t have each other. My daughter recently had a kidney removed because of cancer, but my DIL insists she never had cancer. My DIL has MS and is very negative about life.
She can still walk, drive and has been very lucky. Please help me. I love them all and I am so upset. What can I do about this? — SAD MOM IN TEXAS
DEAR MOM: There is nothing you can do about this sorry situation. Your daughter-in-law’s denial of your daughter’s cancer surgery could easily be overcome if your daughter were to show her brother her medical records.
For whatever reason, your daughter-in-law has decided that all of her husband’s attention should be directed toward her (and her own illness) rather than toward his sister. All you can do at this point and beyond is see your children separately, as often as you can, and hope they both stay safe, healthy and close by as long as they have you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.